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“Yes. I understand.”
She waited till the call ended on the other side before putting the phone back on the desk. Too many emotions were fighting inside her, each wanting her attention, but all she wanted was to be numb.
A look outside her window revealed the steady stream of water. Were the clouds crying for her? How long has it been since she felt alive?
Memories – moments long gone raced past her mind, too fast for her to catch up. She was drowning.
The rain grew heavier.
Regret – that was all that was left for her. That was all that her life had been for the last decade.
Her hands moved to her hairs and freed them from the band that held them up in a ponytail.
Were they right? Was she really this uptight?
She watched the water that pooled on the floor outside her door. How long has it been since she danced in the rain?
She glanced down at the jeans she was wearing, one the same midnight blue as her father’s eyes.
Was this what she wanted her life to be?
She stepped outside in the pouring rain and raised her head to the clouds. When had she become this myriad of emotions spilling all over? Where had the calm she always pride herself to posses fled?
Palm up, tongue out – she let the cold water wash over her.
Memories of her childhood, her mother’s music and her own laughter rang in her ears.She closed her eyes and let all of it roll over her.
Hands outstretched, eyes open, face upturned – she turned and turned and kept on turning. Faster and faster, she spun. The world around her blurred. The rain falling over her, soothing her frenzied self.
Tonight, just for this night, she would forget everything. She would feel alive.
She locked her regrets in a box at the bottom of her mind and threw the key in the ocean of her conscience.
Tomorrow she would dive in to collect the key and the box. But tonight she would feel the cool rain all over her skin and let her feet dance to the music in her head.
After all she was alive.
She was HAPPILY ALIVE.
Nablopomo Day 9